


Falling Away

by orphan_account



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Insecurity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-08-08 22:59:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7777033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm dying and I'm trying but believe me I'm fine, but I'm lying, I'm so very far from fine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling Away

The music always stopped when the lights went up.

They would walk off, side by side, proud of their show that night, proud of the music they’d made, proud that _they’d made it._ From playing shows for nobody to selling out arenas, their message reaching more people than they’d ever imagined; they were at the top of the mountain.

The only way to go from there was down.

The pressure started to get to them, to Tyler mostly. He’d write on the road, hum melodies in the shower and tap out beats on his thighs, recording what he could in the back of the bus. He’d always scrap it though, put it in the trash and clear it before anyone else could listen. He started to isolate himself, choosing to work out something new in the studio rather than go out to dinner with the crew or play some video games with Josh. 

He began to lose weight, too focused on trying to get his ideas out to bother taking care of himself; his diet consisted mostly of Red Bull and energy bars. His ribs were starting to poke through his skin, so he stopped taking his shirt off during concerts. His skin was pale despite the regular outdoor shows, the bags under his eyes were barely covered by makeup, and he even found a few grey hairs. Josh knew something was wrong, as did the crew, even the fans were noticing that he was different lately, but he pushed off all their concerns and did his best to be what they all expected.

He talked about it with Josh briefly, knowing that his best friend would only push harder the more he denied it. “I don’t know, man. It’s just, everything we do, it has to mean something. The lyrics, the pictures, the videos, even our _tweets_ , they all have to have some great purpose. I’m losing inspiration. Fuck, is this what it feels like to finally start breaking?”

Josh did his best but he couldn’t do much, not when Tyler was like this. All he could do was tell his friend that he’d be there for him through it all, then make him some tea and send him to get some sleep. Usually it was enough and Tyler would wake up as his usual self, and even if it didn’t work then he’d at least feel better, but this time all it seemed to do was to further Tyler’s resolve to pretend everything was fine and he wasn’t slowly being torn apart by his own insecurities.

Life went on and the shows continued, and Josh really should have seen it coming. It was bound to happen eventually, with Tyler’s progressively worse state of mind. It had happened before, when they were new to the whole “playing in front of people” thing, but not like this; not when they were in front of so many people who actually _cared_ about them. 

Tyler choked. 

The words were stuck in his throat and they wouldn’t come out. He’d sang this song countless times, could sing the words without even thinking about them, but he just couldn’t get them out. He played it off fairly well, quickly pointing the microphone at the audience to tell them to sing it on their own, and by the end of the verse he was able to use his voice again. But it was shaky and uncertain and _scared_.

They finished the show, and if Tyler was a little less _Tyler_ than he normally was, nobody commented on it as he made his way through the backstage and to his dressing room. Josh waited for a few minutes before going in, wanting to give Tyler some space but not wanting to leave him alone. 

He walked in to see his best friend curled up on the couch, head buried between his knees as sobs shook his thin frame. Josh quickly hurried over to wrap him in a hug, the boy’s arms coming to latch onto his friend as though he were afraid Josh would leave. They sat there for a while, the noises of Tyler’s wet sobs and Josh’s soothing words echoing around the room. Eventually Tyler pulled back, looking at Josh with an expression of pure desperation.

“I don’t want to fall away, Josh,” he whispered. “I don’t want to fall away.”


End file.
